Laszlo, Colin Robinson, Nadja What We Do In The Shadows Quotes 2024

One of my favorite things about the show is that you never know what to expect. In one episode, Nadja is trying to find the reincarnation of her lover Gregor, and in another, the whole group is tripping on drug blood.

The combination certainly keeps you on your toes. All the interesting things in the what we do in the shadows. There are various best quotes from this comedy horror show.

If you are a big fan of this, reading on Penn Book will show you the best What We Do In The Shadows Quotes via the article below.

What We Do In The Shadows

What We Do In The Shadows Quotes

The 10 Funniest Quotes

Tonight Is A Good Night For The Other Guy, Not Me, To Die

Speaking of the feud, a vampire has to be nominated to fight another werewolf to maintain The Truce, which has been around for decades and decades. Nandor, who’s also referred to as The Relentless, is chosen among the group.

As the fight nearly approaches, Nandor tries to set the mood for the fight with some eerie phrases. Unfortunately, “Tonight is a good night to die” doesn’t sit right with Guillermo, not wanting his master to die. To make things much clearer, Nandor gives this awkward quote instead.

I Talked To Rob, He Didn’t Wanna Come. He Wants To Leave It Behind

The Trial remains the show’s most legendary moment, thanks to the slew of cameos by actors who’ve previously played vampires. Sadly, Rob wasn’t among the council, as he just wanted to “leave it behind.”

This was a clever nod because Robert Pattinson has been extremely vocal about his distaste for the Twilight films. However, now that Pattinson is playing Batman, he has no choice but to appear. You can’t be a sparkling vampire and then a man who dresses up as a bat and not make a cameo on the show. It practically writes itself.

This Is Not A Joke!

This quote is funny due to Nandor’s panicky delivery. After going through his email, which he has not checked in years, he finds a chain email claiming he has now been cursed. Since Nandor isn’t tech-savvy, he takes this very seriously and doesn’t know that this was an internet trend back in the day.

He says multiple times throughout the episode that this is not a joke. After all, the email states it. Nandor and his housemates then spend the rest of the episode frantically trying to find email addresses to forward the curse.

One Human Alcohol Beer, Please

As Jackie Daytona (Laszlo) states, he’s just a regular human bartender. Vampires need to let this be known multiple times to maintain their cover. It doesn’t make them sound suspicious whatsoever.

The best of these comes from Jim, The Vampire. He enters Daytona’s bar, completely dressed from head to toe as a vampire. Still, as long as he orders one “human alcohol beer,” then his true vampire nature should remain a secret. Of all the guest appearances on the show, Mark Hamill as Jim is the most memorable.

One Of The Best Ways To Drain People’s Energy Nowadays Is Via The Internet

As an energy vampire, constantly irritating people online is a surefire way to stay fed. What better way to achieve that than pissing people off on social media. Turns out, Colin Robinson is a certified online troll who lives in a basement.

What’s funny is just how true this quote is. If you’ve ever dealt with an online troll, you know exactly what it feels like. So, next time you get a potential troll comment, try not to engage with it. It could very well just be an energy vampire on the other end.

All I Know Is I Haven’t Had A Whiff Of Wu Or Tang

There were so many perfect one-liners during the Theatre des Vampires, but the best has to be from Laszlo’s consistent disappointment with the performance, especially the lack of nudity. Narrating the entire re-enactment, legendary vampire Vladislav throws in some clever rhymes to keep things fresh.

Laszlo is none too impressed by the bring da ruckus line in the show, but Colin can conclude that it’s a Wu-Tang Clan reference. Well, Laszlo has never heard of the 90s rap group as he claims he doesn’t smell any “Wu” or “Tang.”

I Have Recently Re-Discovered My Love For Topiary Sculpture. The Art Of Bush Manipulation.

If there’s one thing you can rely on Laszlo for, he can turn any sentence into an innuendo. Before a werewolf eventually urinates on it, Laszlo gives a hilarious walkthrough of his topiary sculptures or “bush manipulation,” as he calls it.

As expected from the lust-filled Laszlo, he has an entire section of hedges that are shaped like the female anatomy, resembling some of his most beloved women, including his lady wife Nadja and (for some reason) his mother. The latter gets ruined by a werewolf, which ends up starting a feud between the two species.

Vampire Sex Is Like Pizza In That Even When It’s Bad It’s Good. It’s Designed To Be Enjoyed By 8 Or More People.

Along with the rest of the gang, Nandor is so excited to have the privilege of hosting the BVO. There’s a lot of pressure to host this night. According to Nadja, all bats are just depressed vampires who have hosted poor orgies.

Nandor takes it upon himself to let the audience of how great vampire sex is. He almost had it with the pizza comparison, but that last line is a bit confusing. In his defense, he’s a vampire, so he’s not allowed to eat pizza. He gets points for trying!

There Is Nothing More Devastating Than Finding Out Your Husband Has Made [Adult Movies]… And It’s So Bloody Boring

Laszlo reveals that he’s been an adult movie star since the film medium was invented among one of the show’s most gut-busting moments. It’s even more hilarious seeing Nadja’s reaction to her husband’s acting chops.

At first, this quote sounds as if she’s upset that her husband was a former adult actor, as many spouses would be. Except Laszlo and Nadja aren’t your average married couple. She’s more upset that Laszlo’s films aren’t exciting whatsoever. You have to feel bad for Laszlo. He was so confident that his lady wife would find these incredibly seductive.

I Will Always Be Just A Familiar To Them. Just A Schlub, Driving Around Brooklyn, With A Bunch Of Jars Full Of Semen.

Poor Guillermo. His only goal in life has been to become a vampire. After about ten years as Nandor’s familiar, it doesn’t seem likely that he’ll ever get that chance. It may also be due to Nandor’s abandonment issues. Guillermo’s new task after their witch’s encounter may have been the last straw.

After the witches attempt to extract Nandor and Laszlo’s semen painfully, Guillermo pitches the idea to bring it to them in jars every so often. This is now what Guillermo’s life has become. He’s just a Familiar who delivers jars of semen to witches, all in the hopes of one day becoming a vampire.

Vampirically Cool What We Do In The Shadows Series Quotes

Would you wonder if vampires had a code of conduct? Well, they do, along with punishments for overthrowing rules and carrying out heinous crimes for Vampires. These quotes from the series would crack you up with their vampire-like stories.

Vampires love virgins. It’s their favorite food. – Guillermo, ‘City Council’, Season 1. 3 April 2019.

Nadja: Yes, they are near. The smell of beef and sulfur is overwhelming.

Colin Robinson: That’s just Brooklyn. – ‘Witches’, Season 2. 3 June 2020.

After all that nonsense on Staten Island, I cut loose to Pennsylvania. Because it sounds like ‘Transylvania’, and we all know that sounds cool. – Laszlo Cravensworth, ‘On The Run’, Season 2. 13 May 2020.

We take our LARPing very seriously. – Guillermo, ‘Pilot’, Season 1. 27 March 2019.

One of the best ways to drain people’s energy nowadays is via the internet. – Colin Robinson, ‘Colin’s Promotion’, Season 2. 6 May 2020.

I have recently re-discovered my love for topiary sculpture. The art of bush manipulation. – Laszlo Cravensworth, ‘Werewolf Feud’, Season 1. 10 April 2019.

Being a vampire’s familiar is like being a best friend, who, who’s also a slave. – Guillermo, ‘Pilot’, Season 1. 27 March 2019.

One human alcohol beer, please. – Jim the Vampire, ‘On The Run’, Season 2. 13 May 2020.

Nandor: I would like us to get colorful dust that sparkles.

Guillermo: Glitter?

Nandor: Yes, get me some glitter.

Guillermo: Whatever for, Master?

Nandor: Well, I want to do something special for the immortal one’s arrival. I am going to sprinkle it on my face and on my body. Like Twilight. – ‘Pilot’, Season 1. 27 March 2019.

If you happen to be interested in other show quotes, go check out What About Bob Quotes or When Harry Met Sally Quotes before reading on.

Purely Vampiric ‘What We Do In The Shadows’ Movie Quotes

Some vampires are hilarious with their animal transformations and daily chores that they share over many centuries. These are some of the most interesting quotes about vampires.

I really hope that those guys don’t kill those police, because it will mean more police will come. Possibly even Christians, which is totally the last thing we need in this house. – Viago, ‘What We Do In The Shadows’, 2014.

I think we drink virgin blood because it sounds cool. – Deacon, ‘What We Do In The Shadows’, 2014.

We are trying to attract victims to us. I go for a look which I call ‘Dead but Delicious’. We are the bait, but we’re also the trap. – Vladislav, ‘What We Do In The Shadows’, 2014.

Viago: I went into the lounge the other day and there was blood all over my nice antique couch.

Vladislav: Which one? The red one?

Viago: Well it’s red now, yeah. – Viago and Vladislav, ‘What We Do In The Shadows’, 2014.

People freak out a bit about the age difference. They think, ‘What is this 96-year-old lady doing with a guy four times her age?’ I don’t care, they could call me cradle snatcher. Who cares? – Viago, ‘What We Do In The Shadows’, 2014.

Viago: If you’re going to eat a victim on my nice clean couch put down some newspapers on the floor! And some towels. It’s not hard to do.

Vladislav: We’re vampires, we don’t put down towels. – Viago and Vladislav, ‘What We Do In The Shadows’, 2014.

Yeah, some of our clothes are from victims. You might bite someone and then, you think, ‘Oooh, those are some nice pants!’. – Viago, ‘What We Do In The Shadows’, 2014.

Laszlo: “I’m not going to do this if your man’s pissing on the wall.”/Werewolf: “F**k off, you racist!”

“Starting tomorrow, Colin Robinson’s new motto is, ‘Young, dumb, and full of cum.'”-Colin Robinson

Nandor: “We need a plan for total domination.”/Nadja: “We can poison the humans’ milks with witch’s piss.”

Laszlo: “Good evening!”/Man: “Go back to your own country!”/Laszlo: “What the f**k did you just say?!”

“No, Nandor. That’s the StairMaster: the master of the stairs.”-Laszlo

“A joke has a punchline. And you wouldn’t know a punchline if it ran over your scrotum with a penny-farthing!”-Nadja

“Has living in America made you a big wet pussy?”-Nadja

“Pablo Picasso. More like Pablo Picasshole.” —Nadja

“She speaks the bullshit.” —Laszlo

“Gizmo, get the dildos. Gizmo, try out the dildos. Hmm, how are the dildos? They’re fine.” —Guillermo

“Be strong, sweet little one. Someday they will all be dead and you will do a shit on all of their graves.” —Nadja

“I spent a few of my younger years with Sigmund Freud while he was using cocaine and working on his theory that all neurosis is derived from what he called ‘hand envy.’ I remember taking a steam bath with the chap and my towel accidentally dropped and he caught sight of my rather generous John Thomas. He shrieked ‘Eureka,’ and then came up with ‘penis envy.’ Or what I like to call, ‘wanting of the wang.'”-Laszlo

“Arise! Arise! What is ‘arise’ again? Control, alt, seven?”-Nandor

“Listen, I don’t know about you, but I’m very much in the mood for some sexual intercourse.” —Laszlo

“We sent ravens. We sent 500 RAVENS! I’m shocked and appalled that you didn’t raven us back.” —The Guide

“I was a very ferocious soldier in the Ottoman Empire. Which meant a lot of killing, a lot of pillaging. People would say, ‘Please don’t pillage me!’ And I would say, ‘No, I’m pillaging everyone, you included.'” —Nandor

Guillermo: “‘Laszlo sucks,’ backwards.” Laszlo: “Laszlo doesn’t suck! And if he did, he certainly wouldn’t do it backwards!”

“She said that my pornos were boring, which is an unbelievable reaction. I showed her a century’s worth of my pornos. That’s a lot of porn. I don’t think she followed the plots.” —Laszlo

“I was relentless. They would call me Nandor the Relentless. Because I would just never relent.” —Nandor

“If I find I’m in a situation where an idiot is complaining to me, you can either kill them or you can pretend to listen to them.” —Nandor

“What kind of goat sorcery is this?” —Laszlo

“Look at the pictures on the glass! It’s the Jeebus man!” —Laszlo

“We have total dominion from here to here!” —Laszlo

“You are supposed to support me when I want to murder someone!” —Nadja

The Baron: “You know what I’ve always wanted to try?” Laszlo: “Coprophilia.” Laszlo: “No, pizza pie! Is it as wonderful as they say?” *Turns to Laszlo* “Coprophilia?”

“You people are as much fun as the plague. Remember the plague? And how much fun it was? That’s this.” —The Baron

“If I ever find out who did it, I will take a dagger and stab them 5,000 times with this hand! Switch hands. And then stab them another 5,000 times!” —Garrett

“Creepy paper. Creepy paper. Creepy-oh! Multipack!” —Nandor

“We were so poor, we used to use donkey dung for fuel, and when the donkey dung ran out, we would have to burn the donkey.” —Nadja

“Do you remember that first time we made love? It was so passionate, I accidentally cut off your head.” —Nadja

“There is nothing more devastating than finding out your husband has made porn…and it’s so bloody boring.” —Nadja

“Why aren’t they wearing capes? Looks like anyone can be a vampire in Mana-hatta!” —Laszlo

“You are just a lovely guy that I took very strong sex with a couple hundred thousand times, and then my husband cut your head off. Move on!” —Nadja

“It’s a big, bloody stupid hat with a big, bloody stupid curse on it, and every time you wear it, something bloody stupid terrible happens!” —Nadja

“No, I know what you’re bloody like! If you eat the mean one, you’re gonna be mean all evening!” —Nadja

Nadja: “Have you gone soft, my sweet syrup pie?” Laszlo: “No, my sweet syrup pie, I’ve gone hard!”

“I am just a stupid human man. Oh, ouch, ouch, my balls. I love to drink beer.” —Nadja

“She used to be such a cute, little fresh-faced girl. But now she just looks like an elephant’s knee.” —Nadja

“I’ll be honest with you. My lookalike is kind of giving me a chub.” —Colin

“No, no. Nandor, that’s the Stairmaster, the master of the stairs.” —Laszlo

“How are you supposed to be a strong, thrilling, powerful warrior and love with a name like Jeff? It is like a weak ejaculation! Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh. Jeff.” —Nadja

“And we are truly sorry, and we are taking this very seriously, and these are our serious faces. Serious. Serious. Serious.” —Laszlo

“It says I am 100% white.” —Colin

Colin: “This is science.” Nandor: “But this is a turtle.”

“I have recently rediscovered my love for topiary sculpture: the art of bush manipulation.” —Laszlo

“It seems that, uh, government workers are immune to hypnotism. It’s like their souls are dead or something.” —Nandor

“You are all such strong, beautiful, vicious, vibrant women. How did you all end up married to such boiled potatoes?” —Nadja

“I did apply for my American citizenship back in 1992 for five reasons and five reasons only: Johnson, Jordan, Bird, Barkley, Ewing.” —Nandor

“These poor women. They take a lovely, handsome chap from the street, make him their husband, and then, in the blinks of an eye, he becomes a big, lazy sack of shit. So sad.” —Nadja

“Now he’s just gone up to a drunk man and he’s drunk the drunk man’s blood that has made him drunk.” —Nandor

“We drunk the blood of some people, but the people were on drugs, and now I’m a wizard.” —Nandor

Laszlo: “Where did you get them from?” Guillermo: “Amazon, so…” Laszlo: “Well, then, you get in your car and drive them back to the Amazon!”

“I was doing the bloody disco a hundred years before any other f@#$er.” —Laszlo

“He’s as mad as a wax banana.” —Laszlo

“I talked to Rob. He didn’t wanna come. He wants to leave it behind.” —Evan the Immortal Princess of the Undead

FAQs

What are we doing in the shadows explained?

What We Do in the Shadows is set on Staten Island and follows the lives of three traditional vampires, Nadja, Laszlo, and Nandor; Colin Robinson, an energetic vampire; and Guillermo, who is Nandor’s friend. The series centers on centuries-old vampires interfacing with the modern world and other supernatural beings.

Is Colin a vampire?

Mark Proksch portrays “Colin Robinson”, a day-walking energy vamp who thrives in an office environment that encourages small talk and replies to all email chains.

What kind of documentary is what we do in the shadows?

A comedy film about mockumentary horror.

We Do In the Shadows is a 2014 New Zealand mockumentary horror comedy film directed and written by Taika Waititi. It is the first installment of the What We Do In the Shadows series.

Conclusion

These What We Do In The Shadows quotes are an excellent way to conclude the day. The greatest medicine is said to be laughing, and this program delivers on that front. What We Do In The Shadows Quotes is the place to go if you want a good chuckle. Thank you for reading!