As a fan of the TV series, The Office, we can remember Michael Scott (Steve Carell) saying some memorable quotes throughout the show. While Steve Carrell has gone on to have many more roles in movies and other shows since The Office went off the air, The Office is still one of his most well-known roles. The popularity of the show also makes it easy for many fans to catch in reruns on both cable networks and streaming services. Here are some of the top Michael Scott Quotes in The Office Olympics with “no-fail negotiation tactics.”.
Michael Scott Motivational Quotes
“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
Michael, you use wise words. Wise words!
“Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.”
CFO David Wallace explained to Michael at one time that even though every Dunder Mifflin branch was struggling, Scranton had consistently reported high numbers. Michael answered the question, “How do you do it?” in true Michael Scott fashion. He then added this all-too-related admission.
Michael, a Scranton branch member, compares working there to prison. With the help of his friend “Prison Mike“, Michael decides to teach them a lesson about prison.
“When the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help! His father ran the freaking country! Okay?”
Michael Scott can tell you one thing: Don’t fall for emails that involve Nigerian royalty. Could you not do it?
“I have cause. It is beCAUSE I hate him.”
Yes, he is referring to Toby.
“I’m Beyoncé, always.”
Michael is shocked to learn that Donna, his then-lover, actually had a husband when exposed to being a cheater. This is illustrated by Andy Bernard and a direct reference from Obsessed.
“It’s Britney, bitch.” – Quotes On Britney Spears
After a strained relationship with Dunder Mifflin’s new VP, Michael forms his own paper company and enjoys the freedom of being himself blasting Lady Gaga.
“Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.”
After his boss’s death, Michael assumes the role of a grief counselor and has some strange thoughts about loss’s emotions.
“You know what they say. Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice … strike three.”
Uh, that’s true.
Darryl approaches Michael to request a raise. Mr. Scott decides to research “no-fail negotiation techniques” on Wikipedia. It works out as expected.
“I don’t understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn’t even work here.”
Micheal may have had a point in a far-off parallel universe.
“And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”
After Stanley suffered a heart attack, Michael realized that he didn’t know what to do in an emergency and hired an expert to help train the staff.
“I understand nothing.”
Charles Miner, Michael’s mortal enemy, asked him to stop poaching Dunder Mifflin clientele after Scott’s departure. Michael replied that he was willing to die on top of the Michael Scott Paper Company.
“Well, it’s love at first sight. Actually, it was … No, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.”
Michael realizes that Holly Flax is his new HR representative, and he falls in love with her. He tries to express his feelings in the most romantic way possible.
“Okay, too many different words from coming at me from too many different sentences.”
Michael gets confused when the whole office tries to convince Michael that a potential client is involved in the Mafia.
“It’s a pimple, Phyllis. Avril Lavigne gets them all the time and she rocks harder than anyone alive.”
Self-love is now possible.
“I would not miss it for the world. But if something else came up I would definitely not go.”
Another attempt to plan with Jim fails.
“That’s what she said.”
This is a true classic.
“Well, well, well, how the turntables.”
These sayings are not correct.
“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little ‘stitious.”
It turns out it is okay to be skeptical about the supernatural. But not too much.
Usually, in a borderline-heartbreaking manner, Michael repeatedly tries to get in on Jim Halpert’s comedic banter with others. It never works that way.
Funny Michael Scott Quotes/ Michael Scott Christmas Quotes
“The worst thing about prison was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place and they were scary and they’d come down and they’d suck the soul out of your body and it hurt!”
“You know what they say? Fool me once, strike one but fool me twice, strike three.” – Michael Scott, Season Three, Episode 13.
“I learned a while back that if I do not text 911, people do not return my calls. Um, but now people always return my calls because they think that something horrible has happened.” – Michael Scott
“Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.” – Michael Scott
“Webster’s Dictionary defines wedding as ‘the fusing of two metals with a hot torch.’” – Michael Scott
“I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott
“I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl so I’m wise and I have worms.” – Michael Scott, Season Two, Episode Three.
“If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.” – Michael Scott
“Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.”
“I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday.”
More Greatest Michael Scott Inspirational Quotes
“Yes, it is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username. And I have a great one. Little Kid Lover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.” – Michael Scott
“People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me the choice is easy.” – Michael Scott
“It is St. Patrick’s Day. And here in Scranton, that is a huge deal. It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas.” – Michael Scott
“There’s no such thing as an appropriate joke. That’s why it’s called a joke.” – Michael Scott
“Dwight, you ignorant slut.” – Michael Scott
“I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and have worms.” – Michael Scott
“I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream.” – Michael Scott
“You know what they say ‘Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice… strike three.’” – Michael Scott
“I know it’s illegal in Pennsylvania, but it’s for charity, and I consider myself a great philanderer.” – Michael Scott
“Two queens at casino night. I am gonna drop a deuce on everybody.” – Michael Scott
“Friends joke with one another. ‘Hey, you’re poor.’ ‘Hey, your mama’s dead.’ That’s what friends do.” – Michael Scott
“I don’t want any special treatment, Pam. I just want you to treat me like you would some family member who’s undergone some sort of serious physical trauma. I don’t think that’s too much to ask?” – Michael Scott
Michael Scott: “Yes. Of course. What’s this in reference to?” – Michael Scott
“When I discovered YouTube, I didn’t work for five days.” – Michael Scott
“Occasionally, I’ll hit someone with my car. So sue me.” – Michael Scott
Michael: “I think you’re great. You’re my best friend.” – Michael Scott
“That has sort of an oaky afterbirth.” – Michael Scott
“I live by one rule: No office romances, no way. Very messy, inappropriate… no. But, I live by another rule: Just do it… Nike.” – Michael Scott
“You are as creepy as a real serial killer. For real.” – Michael Scott
“I fell in love with these kids. And I didn’t want to see them fall victim to the system. So I made ’em a promise. I told them if they graduated from high school, I would pay for their college education. I have made some empty promises in my life but, hands down, that was the most generous.” – Michael Scott
“Last, and possibly least, you didn’t think we’d forget, ‘That’s what she said!’” – Michael Scott
“Reverse psychology is an awesome tool. I don’t know if you guys know about it, but, basically, you make someone think the opposite of what you believe. And that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.” – Michael Scott
“I am Michael, and I am part English, Irish, German, and Scottish… sort of a virtual United Nations.” – Michael Scott
“If you don’t like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus, or the front of the bus, or drive the bus.” – Michael Scott
“If you break that girl’s heart, I will kill you. That’s just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl’s heart, I will literally kill you and your entire family.” – Michael Scott
“My mind is going a mile an hour.” – Michael Scott
“Is there something besides ‘Mexican’ you prefer to be called? Something less offensive?” – Michael Scott
“It just seems awfully mean. But sometimes, the ends justify the mean.” – Michael Scott
“No, Rose, they are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs… Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs, do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what quality of life do we have there?” – Michael Scott
“Abraham Lincoln once said that, ‘If you’re a racist, I will attack you with the North.’ And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace.” – Michael Scott
“They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that you’re lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say that’s crazy. I say let them eat cake. Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad.” – Michael Scott
“Here it is, heart of New York City, Times Square… named for the good times you have when you’re in it.” – Michael Scott
“My philosophy is, basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have. And I always will. Don’t, ever, for any reason, do anything, to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who you are with, or, or where you are going, or, or where you’ve been. Ever. For any reason. Whatsoever.” – Michael Scott
“Dwight, you ignorant slut!” – Michael Scott
“Nobody should have to go to work thinking, ‘Oh, this is the place that I might die today.’ That’s what a hospital is for. An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest. To the max. To… an office is a place where dreams come true.” – Michael Scott
“You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take. Wayne Gretzky.” – Michael Scott
“They always say that it’s a mistake to hire your friends. And they are right. So, I hired my best friends. And this is what I get!?” – Michael Scott
“The only time I set the bar low is for limbo.” – Michael Scott
“Don’t ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what.” – Michael Scott
“It takes an advanced sense of humor. I don’t expect everyone to understand.” – Michael Scott
“I’m not gonna cry over it. I did that in the car on the way home.” – Michael Scott
“The only thing that could make this day better is ice cream.” – Michael Scott
“Those things are like ticking time bags. Alright? Think about it.” – Michael Scott
“Don’t worry about Phil. He drives a corvette. He is doing just fine. OK. Calling cards are… the wave of the future. These things sell themselves.” – Michael Scott
“Number eight. Learn how to take off a woman’s bra: You just twist your hand until something breaks.
“I don’t come up with this stuff, I just forward it along. You wouldn’t arrest the guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.” – Michael Scott
“I love my employees even though I hit one of you with my car.” – Michael Scott
“This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she’s cute now, you should have seen her a couple years ago.” – Michael Scott
“Like right here is my favorite New York pizza joint. And I’m going to go get me a New York slice.” – Michael Scott
“Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.” – Michael Scott
“Yeah, but it’s not brain cancer. And it shouldn’t stop us from having fun. You know what they say the best medicine is.” – Michael Scott
“You don’t know me, you’ve just seen my penis.” – Michael Scott
“You know, sometimes to get perspective, I like to think about a spaceman on a star, incredibly far away. And our problems don’t matter to him because we’re just a distant point of light. But he feels sorry for me because he has an incredibly powerful microscope, and he can see my face. I’m okay. No, I’m not.” – Michael Scott, Season Five, Episode 13.
“I’m sinking a few, you know. Swish, swish, swish. Nothing but net. And their jaws just dropped to the floor. African-Americans!” – Michael Scott
The Office Michael Scott Quotes About Love
“I guess the attitude that I’ve tried to create here is that I’m a friend first and a boss second and probably an entertainer third.” – Michael Scott
Andy Bernard: “That kid is the worst. Needs to be fired, Michael.” – Michael Scott
Michael Scott: “He’s not the worst. OK? He’s not the worst. You know who’s the worst? That intern we had a few years ago. That guy. Remember? That face, how ugly he was? He was the worst. Good worker, though.” – Michael Scott
“When I was five, I imagined that there was such a thing as a unicorn. And this was before I had even heard of one, or seen one. I just drew a picture, of a horse, that could fly over rainbows, and had a huge spike in its head. I was five! Five years old. Couldn’t even talk yet.” – Michael Scott
“I’d like to start today, by inspiring you. May I borrow someone’s textbook, please? You cannot learn from books. Replace these pages with life lessons. And then, you will have…a book that is worth its weight in gold.” – Michael Scott, Season Three, Episode 17.
“Jim and I are great friends. We hang out a ton, mostly at work.” – Michael Scott
“As it turns out, you can’t just check someone into rehab against their will. They have to do it voluntarily. They have to hit rock bottom. So, I think I know what I need to do at this point. I need to find ways to push Meredith to the bottom. Um. I think I can do it.” – Michael Scott
“I’ve got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this.” – Michael Scott
“Business is a doggie dog world. And I am a shark, who eats doggie dogs.” – Michael Scott, Season Five, Episode 13.
“The people that you work with are, when you get down to it, your very best friends.” – Michael Scott
“Granted, maybe this was not the best idea, but at least we care enough about our employees that we are willing to fight for them.” – Michael Scott
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